• Michelle Buyer

#59: 'Impulsive' and Proud

We often don’t consider how much motivation, hard work and effort is required each day until we take a step back to consider it (mentioned in earlier posts). I rarely think twice about it, so it’s difficult to determine the challenge of “working hard.” It’s rarely difficult to get to work, the gym or to eat well during the workday because it’s routine and it’s what I want. Even when I don’t want to do something, my only option is to get the task done that I can move so forward and feel good.

Consistently working hard is challenging because it’s exhausting. I often keep working rather than acknowledge it. It’s engrained in me so much that it’s a given rather than a choice. Sure, it’s tiring, so what? I keep going because I genuinely want to, and I don’t feel sorry for myself. Hebrew school was an example of the opposite: I hated it. I felt sorry for myself that I had to go. I spent my any energy I had fighting it rather than accepting it.

For years, my mom told me that we have a choice to either accept circumstances and make the best of them or wallow. I’m mature enough now understand this, but I still don’t know how to sincerely accept circumstances I dislike. Is it possible? Are the people who succeed the most the people who accept circumstances and make the best of them or just who created the circumstances that they wanted?

Once I decide what I want, you know damn well I’ll get it, if I want it badly enough. That’s not unique to me. While this is made possible by privilege of many kinds, it happens because I thrust all my energy into achieving the goal rather than considering the possibility (and consequences) of failure. I’m convinced that there’s a perfect solution to everything, I just have to find it.

I’m told that this is a form of impulsivity. I’m convinced that my “impulsiveness” is a defining characteristic in getting me here rather than a flaw, as many others think it is. I may be impulsive, but not reckless. I’m a realist who is afraid of physical danger. I make decisions so quickly that they appear impulsive, but they’re calculated. Once I understand my choices, I’m (generally) quick to decide before other thoughts creep in, but I seek out the best opportunity.

My “success” so far isn’t due to my choice to go to work, or even to go to the gym. It’s due to the “choice” to take a more challenging path and push through it. I choose which deals to pick up, but I could easily choose the simple ones. Challenging yourself creates the opportunity to grow and set yourself apart from others. While this is simple at face value, it’s a gamechanger. To tie it together, I’ve done this without realizing it for years. I wonder if I can do any more now that I realize it…or if taking the time to realize slows me down.

Sayings such as “be yourself” and “treat others the way you want to be treated” sound cliché, but they take on a whole new meeting once you have the experience behind it. We’re at the point in our lives where we realize the meaning of these sayings are true. I worry that I can’t always be ahead. A friend told me, “What got you to this point won’t get you to the next point.” Another cliché, but correct. My work ethic and (work) attitude got me this far, but it won’t be enough to get to the next point in the way that I want. If I want to continue on this track, I need to step out of my comfort zone even more than before.

22 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

When a romantic relationship ends, I know that it’s important to process feelings. Unlucky for me, “feeling my feelings” is not my strength. By the time a relationship ends, I’ve spent so much time ar

It’s no secret that I’m an obsessive person. I get hyper-fixated on one goal and it overtakes my life. It sometimes feels like it would be more difficult for me to lead a balanced lifestyle than climb