Now that it’s been a week of full-time work in the office, I understand so much more of how my parents feel at the end of the work day and why they reacted to me in certain ways… It’s only been a week, so I have the initial excitement and adrenaline of working and making a good impression. I made it to the gym all of my scheduled days last week, but some of my fears about what it would be like are valid.
I’m accustomed to rolling into the gym when I feel like it and doing extra sets to truly feel like I’m getting a good workout and pushing myself. When I’m at the gym in the morning, I have to leave myself enough time to shower and get to the office. Less time ensures that I’m efficient, and maybe will help prevent burnout, but as usual I’m afraid that I’ll miss out on some of the gains. I’m not willing to give up any sleep, so it means that I have to be winding down by 8pm every night. This works if I end work at 5pm, but I can see how this can cause problems as I’m working later into the evening. I find it helpful to pack my lunch and layout my clothes the night before so that I can get up and go in the morning. The time has to come from somewhere, so this does take up extra time at night, but I don’t have to worry about forgetting something when I get up in the morning.
Some mornings are easier than others. Wednesday morning was a particularly difficult wakeup, but a woman in her 60s happened to introduce herself to me and compliment me for (seeming to be) in good shape. I looked at her and said “I’ve been doing this for a week and I’m already losing it. I’m afraid to fall off the wagon. Do you have any tips?” She thought this was the funniest thing ever. She replied, “It’s important to me. I won’t feel good if I don’t do it.” I’m that she didn’t have the magic secret, and that she acknowledged how difficult it can be, but there’s never a magic secret. Her response confirmed what I’ve been thinking. As long as it’s important to me, I have to continue to fight for it every day.
I struggle to keep my butt in a chair for hours in the office, but I’m grateful that my team is in the office and that I can walk to the kitchen without scrutiny. Technically, I’m more active now than a few weeks ago because my step count has gone up now that I’m walking to and from work. At some point, I want to get myself to stretch after work, but so far, I’ve been too much of a zombie to remember once I get home.
I’m also struggling to get on a good eating schedule. I’m still much better than I was in Boston or Spain, but I don’t know what works best yet. I’ve been great at packing a healthy lunch, but not so healthy that I’m not excited to eat it. When I get home, I’m often so hungry that I start with a healthy dinner and gradually derail into eating graham crackers, then ice cream and more ice cream. If I don’t buy those foods, I’m almost certain I’ll rebel against myself and be angry that there isn’t anything I want to eat. I’m only shopping for myself, so I’m responsible for eating any food item that comes into my apartment. I hope that I can at least share my desserts with my roommate once she arrives. At home, I could bake cookies and leave them out knowing they’d be gone in a few hours. I could plan what I’m going to eat, but I haven’t had success with this. If I want to eat something, there’s no stopping me. I’m hoping that it will get easier as I get busier at work and have less time to eat.